I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
