very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
