I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
