They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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