OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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