I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
