last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
