it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
