i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
