you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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