every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
