dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
