I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
