did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
