Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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