I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
