last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
