upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
