May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
