on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
