So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
