Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
