Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
