PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
