your thong is hanging out like whoa
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you win again, gameday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
