dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
