WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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