seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dicks are not precious.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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