the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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