And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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