So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
