R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so let's talk penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
