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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa

  (281): View more from Texas

  what did you steal

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".

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• (940): View more from Texas

  it's like heaven, but drunker

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• (281): View more from Texas

  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  not the best booty call

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  did she squirt?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  only if tears count

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow

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• (567): View more from Ohio

  Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Longest 30 seconds of my life

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  10/10 so not recommended

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