My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
