3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
