well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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