party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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