On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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