im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
try to milk me bitch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
