Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
