I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
