so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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