Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
