you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
