yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
