I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
