the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
