she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How naked do you want me to be?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
