My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
