I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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